Christmas in April

Some time in January my brand new Trek Top Fuel 9.8 WSD arrived.  And it quickly took up residence in a quiet corner of the Store's basement.  The plus side of being married to Trek Barrie's store manager is the beauty Top Fuel 9.8 that I've been privileged to ride for the last 3 seasons.  The down side - my bikes get neglected until there is time around the shop to build them, which wasn't until the middle of last week.

Now, I know... you feel so sorry for me - whahhhh!!!!  I can hear all of your little violins.  Okay.  I'll stop whining.

The new bike is AMAZING!  Here's a picture:  be JEALOUS :)

Got it out for a ride last week.  Changes over last year include further weight reductions, stronger carbon designed for mountain bikers, front and rear shock lockouts conveniently located on the handlebar.  Best part of the bike is still the ABP technology, which stands for Active Braking Pivot.  While most rear shocks stiffen up when braking, ABP remains active - so on descents, when you need your rear shocks and brakes to work at the same time... they do.

Also, it's pretty.  Which is important.  Stolked to get it out on it's first race next weekend :)

Losing the X from Small

 I step out of the dressing room, presenting myself to the salesgirl.

She doesn’t blink. She looks at me like an art curator trying to assess the value of a vase. A rather large vase.

“Carina,” she decides finally. Cute.

I ask her in Italian if she could please tell me honestly whether these jeans are causing me to resemble a cow.

No, signorina, I am told. You do not resemble a cow.

“Do I resemble a pig, then?” (E. Gilbert)

A similar conversation has taken place almost daily with my far too patient husband.  I no longer fit into my very skinny jeans.  Jeans that if I am honest, would not have fit me after I hit puberty and I was skinny then.  There is a part of my brain that is okay with this.  It is the part of me that looks in the mirror and sees muscle, the part that revels in my ability to do pull-ups and push-ups (full man ones - not to be sexist), and loves the numbers that my Powertap so brilliantly displays.  

But, the other side of my brain (the not logical and somewhat annoying part) looks in the mirror and does not like what she sees.  My legs are big, my jeans are tight and the waist is baggy.  Not hot to this side of my brain.

But what all of me agrees on is how fantastic I feel.  I've been in a bad mood and somewhat depressed for 4 years.  Coincidentally - completely coincidentally this is also how long I've been married.  It all started when I dropped about 20 pounds over a span of 2 months leading up to our wedding - much to the seamstress' chagrine as each time I was fitted in my wedding gown, she had to take my dress in another inch.  Now, noone loses that much weight all at once, so I think she thought she was going crazy.  And, I was eating - or so I thought.  But certainly it was not enough food and it certainly wasn't the right food.  At about the same time I started having panic attacks and the moodiness had started.  I put it all down to stress, of which I had a lot: I was quitting my job, moving to Barrie to live with Jeremy, my mom was selling my childhood house, I was buying a house but was about to be jobless and I was planning a wedding.  Enough to send anyone for a loop, but the problem is, I never really recovered.

Eventually, my poor nutrition led to sleepless nights, 3am wakeups to eat (when I did sleep at all), depression, anxiety, mood swings and lack of energy.  Trying to ride my bike on top of this led to frequent illness - but, I put that down to being a teacher and being around sick kids.  Everything can be justified.

Changing what I've been eating was step #1 and it got me to 80% healthy.  But the perfectionist that I am wants 100% health.  So step #2 involved upping the calories.  That part was hard.  I wasn't starving myself on purpose.  But, I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy looking in the mirror and seeing the skinny me.  I hate to eat and even as I type this, I am sitting here with my lunch which is getting neglected in favour of well, my blog at the moment, but I'd rather do ANYTHING than sit here and eat for half an hour to forty minutes - which is about how long it takes me to get enough calories in.  That coupled with the thought that skinny people probably climb hills better and fit better into their jeans perpetuated the cycle.

So, now my jeans don't fit and I am forced to swallow the good advice that I've given to a few colleagues and friends who are frustrated when they eat healthy food and don't see the numbers dropping on the scale.  When you eat healthy food and exercise, you may not lose weight - in fact, you might gain weight in the form of muscle .  I have gained muscle (and weight).  You can see it on my legs.   But none of that matters.  What matters is that I feel great.  I sleep great.  I am in a good mood almost all the time.  I can manage life's daily stress and still keep a smile on my face.  I'll keep telling the annoying side of my brain this fact until all of me believes it.

Wine, Cheese, Bicycles and Women

Now that I have your attention boys, this one is only for the WOMEN.  The first meeting of Trek Women will take place at Trek Store Barrie on Monday April 11th at 6pm. (If you live in Toronto, their meeting will be held at the Trek Toronto store on Saturday April 9 at 6pm).

This is your chance to find out more about the club, meet fellow club members and snack on cheese and wine.  You can also sign-up for the club.

The cost to join all club rides is $40.  Dates for the rides are posted here.

It's good to be home

An uneventful plane ride  (which is always the best kind) and 8 hours later, I was being greeted by my husband at the airport. 

I owe my husband more than thanks for picking me up at the airport – although, it seems this has become his part-time job; between my frequent visits to England to visit my dad and to B.C. to see my mom.  He is always there to pick me up.

I’d like to take this chance to thank him for being so supportive of my extended vacation.   I have returned a much happier person than the one who left with a lot of perspective and an improved outlook on my career. 

two bikes in one box meant a lot of reassembly...

I have terrible spatial awareness and find working on my bike really difficult.  But I persevered and was proud of my accomplishment - my bike in one piece and ready to ride.  The jazz hands are to show excitement :)

These guys are good Teej. Yeah, but they're not from Detroit.

As my 30s have been about mountain biking, my earlier life was focused on becoming a good downhill skier.  I truly fell in love with the sport on a 'business' trip my dad took me to in Vail when I was 16.  I remember skiing the bowls, moguls and deep snow - stuff that doesn't exist in Ontario and wanting to be able to fly down it effortlessly.

10 years later, I was one of two people from my exam group of 20 to earn Level III Ski Instructor status.  It was official and on paper, I can ski effortlessly (most of the time) all over the mountain and teach others to do the same. And then, I stopped skiing.  I moved back home to Ontario where the trees, powder, bumps and back bowls I'd come to love in B.C. don't exist.  Skiing became more of a social outing than an adrenaline seeking adventure.  My attention soon turned to xc mountain biking, where I could get those same scary, fun awesome feelings of mountain skiing, but at home.

Fast forward several more years and my strong skier legs have turned to cyclist legs.  Still strong but better at turning pedals at 90rpm than doing repeated squats while resisting G-forces down the mountain.  I gave up my stiff race boots and skis this year in favour of some softer equipment.  Skiing is one of the few sports where higher end equipment will actually make you worse unless you are good enough to rock it.  I'm loving the soft skis and boots and I actually think I'm skiing better now than ever before.  So, if you're like me and no longer ski as much as you used to, or maybe your new to the sport, try equipment not for an advanced skier and see what it does to your performance.  For me, my shins at the end of this vacation are not bruised and when I'm in the trees and soft stuff I have way more control and tons more fun.

Skiing with Olympic Gold Medalist and Canadian Female Athlete of the Century 

AND current Senator, Nancy Greene.

out for a hike with Halle

p.s. the title quote has been verified as correct to appease fellow perfectionist and CEO of AWI Cycling.

Dear old dad's in the French Alps somewhere... I hear they have great snow there.

Eventually I may have to become a more solid citizen again, I'm aware of this. But not yet... please.  Not just yet.  ~ E. Gilbert


My time in California ended just in time for my annual visit to see my mom in B.C.  AKA March Break.  AKA why go home, there's no work anyways.  So, I flew straight to Kamloops and up the road to Sun Peaks resort.  It's all a bit decadent really: one day I am doing my favourite summer sport in California and the next I'm skiing in fresh powder.  It's making the transition back to winter enjoyable.

My mom just moved here from Panorama, B.C. and while I miss the friends I've made there over the years dearly, the snow here is fantastic. If I had to choose between good people and snow, good people would win every time.  But, that is the beauty of travelling.  Good people live all over the world.  I met some locals today who showed me their secret stashes of snow.

But, truth be told I am here to visit my mom, not really to ski.  Although she's become quite good and my legs are sore keeping up.

Everyone comes to Aspen to be saved or something. It’s just a place.

I’m not sure that I came to California to be saved, it was more to escape.  But, in the 21 days I spent in Oxnard riding my bicycle daily in the mountains, on the coast or over curbs in the parking lot I found salvation.  My life became so simple that details no longer were so important.

I started to just eat food.  Good quality, well prepared food in quantities that I felt like eating – no measuring.  I went to bed at whatever time I couldn’t keep my eyes open, or just because it felt like it was time to lay down.  No pressure.  And sleep would come as quickly as I wanted it to.  I started every morning with a good cup of coffee, some conversation and got to know a few great people.

And yesterday, was a beautiful ride through the mountains.  No music, no camera to distract me from just enjoying the day.  It was probably around 20 degrees, it was very sunny.  I climbed up Sulpher Mountain towards Ojai.  There were views of the ocean when the road turned in that direction and there were views of endless mountains.  There were mansions tucked away at the edge of cliffs enjoying the view.  I’m sorry I didn't take any pictures to entice you.  You’ll just have to go there yourself.  It will be worth it.  As I said, no distractions.  I find taking pictures sometimes takes you out of that moment of truly enjoying what you are doing and turns it into an event of finding the perfect vista to capture.  Which is okay sometimes.

I took only 2 water bottles even though I knew it would be 3 hours before finding a place for water.  But, I didn’t dehydrate and I found a place sooner than anticipated.  I won't talk about the quantity of food in my pocket.  It was more than I needed.  Baby steps, though. I scribbled down some directions and got some route explanations, but I didn’t worry too much about it and I didn’t get lost. 

So what was my salvation?  It wasn’t the vistas – although you can’t help but lose yourself in their beauty.  It was the realization that all the details that I worry about in my quest to do things perfectly usually cause things to end up spoiled.  So, if I take anything away from California, it is to live a little more simply and eat because I am hungry.