lost and found

In my last post I complained about hating struggling at the back of group rides.  I figured what better way to get over this than to crash Watson's group ride in the Copeland today.  I put a smile on my face and played follow the leader.  Even though, Watson is mad at me for something, he kept the pace really easy (easy for him, hard for me :)  and somehow managed to defy physics, putting together a loop that involved lots of downhill without much up.  I had a blast riding with the boys, who also included Tristan and Jeremy.  Unfortunately, Parker forgot to set his alarm clock - definitely one of the most fun rides I've done this season.  Something to be said about swallowing your pride, as I realize I've missed out on lots of fun rides for fear of being the weak link.

Got home and it was time for some chores...

The garbage men are going to hate us - 28 bags of leaves!!!  

The Wheel of Fortune

'The Wheel of Fortune,' I say.  'It is your card: you drew it....  It tells us that we all only want victory.  We all want to triumph.  But we all have to learn to endure what comes.  We have to learn to treat misfortune and great fortune with indifference.  That is wisdom.' ~ Philippa Gregory

I haven't written much about my races this year.  Partly because there haven't been many to speak of.  Mostly because I've been greatly disappointed in my performance.  And yes, I did have a sizable worm swimming around in my guts this year, but before I knew that, I found myself struggling to finish a race and not wanting to talk about it afterwards.

So the worm is gone, and I'm back to training.  And my fitness is every so slowly returning.  I did my last race of the season at Hardwood last weekend.  My goal was to stay with the pack for as long as humanly possible.  100 metres after the start I began moving backwards and spent the rest of the race riding solo at the back.  

I, like most people I am sure, hate losing.  I don't even like going out on a group ride and being last up a hill or struggling at the back.  I find myself anxiously awaiting the return of speed and I can't help thinking that just over a year ago, I was always vying for a spot on the podium.

It is time for me to look at my riding with some indifference.  In the Wheel of Fortune, maybe I am climbing up to the top again, but at the moment I am somewhere near the bottom.  Perhaps the key to indifference is enjoying the ride on the entire wheel, for all of its ups and downs and even when going sideways.  I think that may be the only way for me to stay in the game.

above: struggling to hold on

 below: riding solo